Hen Chronicles: Girls, meet your fearsome cousin: T. rex

Everyone with even a passing interest in zoology knows that researchers believe birds are descended from dinosaurs. But I have to admit I was amazed to learn, after we acquired our three hens back in April, that chickens are said to be the closest living relatives of - get this - the fearsome Tyrannosaurus rex.

"Analysis of a shred of 68-million-year-old Tyrannosaurus rex protein - along with that of 21 modern species and an extinct mastodon - confirms that dinosaurs share common ancestry with birds, particularly chickens and ostriches, and to a lesser extent, alligators," the British newspaper The Telegraph reported a few years ago. Studies published in the journal Science "conclude that seven traces of proteins detected in purified T. rex bone most closely match those reported in chickens," USA Today reported back in 2007.

Now, I find it easy enough to believe that birds in general, and chickens in particular, trace their roots to dinosaurs. You only have to get an up-close peek at a chicken’s shanks and long-toed feet to realize that they do look decidedly prehistoric.

But T. rex’s cousin? That seems like a stretch.

According to nationalgeographic.com, Tyrannosaurus rex "was one of the largest meat-eating dinosaurs that ever lived. Everything about this ferocious predator, from its thick, heavy skull to its 4-foot-long (1.2-meter-long) jaw, was designed for maximum bone-crushing action." The site says T. rex was about 40 feet long and about 15 to 20 feet tall. Its strong thighs and long, powerful tail helped it move quickly, and its massive 5-foot-long skull could bore into prey.

"T. rex's serrated, conical teeth were most likely used to pierce and grip flesh, which it then ripped away with its brawny neck muscles. Its two-fingered forearms could probably seize prey, but they were too short to reach its mouth." Scientists believe this powerful predator could eat up to 500 pounds of meat “in one bite,” breaking bones as it did so.

Contrast that with our yogurt-loving, apple-chomping trio of clowns, who act for all the world like they’re polishing up a slapstick routine for their big comedy club debut. Snow, Stella and Nala don’t have an intimidating bone in their small, feathered bodies, unless you’re frightened by one of them pecking at an exposed human toe to see if it’s edible.

Chickens don’t even have any teeth, for crying out loud, let alone conical teeth to "pierce and grip flesh."

Still, Barney, the purple and green dinosaur, is a T. rex, right? Wikipedia says that Barney "likes many different foods such as fruits and vegetables, but his main favorite is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a glass of milk." He also loves "marching bands and parades." Maybe he’s the long-lost dinosaur cousin researchers are talking about.